"I’m sorry, I really am." But I’m saying it for the sake of it. I mean I honestly do not really care anymore. I’m saying it just to try my luck.
Relationship aside, I must say school has been a really enjoyable thing to me for the past few weeks. Although it’s a little late to say this as I would be graduating in 90 days? But I really feel much loved by my classmates these days. I mean I do feel it at times but it definitely felt better these weeks. I guess that’s a good thing? School has been fun with the class where we would now talk together more often during breaks and classes which definitely makes me feel good. :) Not to mention seeing them smile. :) Especially Cheng Mun’s when she smiled while eating chips today! 😂 Smiles are contagious too! Coupled with the lame jokes that I tell at times and I usually end up laughing at them the hardest while they shuts stare at me on disbelief at my level of lameness/retarded-ness. 😂 but sometimes they genuinely laugh okay! And that makes me happy too because I know that I’ve put a smile on someone’s face. I really like it. 😊😊
Anyway, it’s WeiJun’s birthday today! I’m really thankful for a great brother like him! Although out friendship is barely 6 months old but I really appreciate and cherish a great friend like him, he is really like an older brother that I definitely regard and look up to. 😄👊
Looking forward to tomorrow where I will finally be going to climb after weeks! 😄😄😄
It’s hard. It really is. Bumped into her a few times today and idk why but I just didn’t want to make any eye contact with her. She didn’t say anything about yesterday. Did she receive it? Did someone else took it? What am I supposed to do? You call these insecurities but I call it preparing myself for the worst, no doubt I feel insecure as well. I really want to know but I just do not want to ask her.
I don’t know if the reason why I’m so unbothered that I didn’t ask her is because I lack the courage to or is it because I really do not care about it anymore. So, have I just invested almost 3 years of my life into something worthless? I had many other plans for her but I guess they can’t be fulfilled now.
Honestly, I’m still not so aware where I went wrong. I mean I admit that I was at fault too but it shouldn’t outcome to such a situation.
I need answers.
Exactly 2 Fridays ago, we quarreled. Today, we had our 1st social contact. On her way out of school and my way into school, I waved, she smiled.
It’s been nearly 2 weeks now. I thought everything was fine. I thought I had gotten over it. But I couldn’t be more wrong. I have not. Although I don’t really get bothered about it but once I do, I really get affected. I’m still lost.
It’s been 11 days already and I think I sort of gotten over it. But then I start to question myself. Why is it that I’m able to get over it so quickly? Is it because I never cherished this relationship at all? Or is it because I didn’t put in enough effort from the start so that’s why I’m not afraid of losing her?
Anyway, I went to the airport yesterday with my junior to eat and catch up with one another because we hadn’t really seen each other for quite some time and we got new matching pencil boxes from Muji. And at the same time, I got a card holder as well.
And then I thought of her because she always loses her EZ-link card. Maybe if I was actually more mindful of my words and continued on this relationship, such thoughts wouldn’t have actually been lingering in my mind. I initially wanted to get it over and done with before SR friendship games but she said she wasn’t ready to talk things out. I really wish I could turn back time at times so that we could celebrate SR friendship games with our friendship and eventually hoping to see #threeyearsandongoing but I doubt that would happen anymore. I’m still in a constant dilemma as to whether to continue pursuing this friendship or not. We went a long way back, since the end of sec 3 (2011) and we came till today in the same school. Was it part of God’s arrangement? Was it part of His arrangement for us to end up like this as well? Theses questions wander around my mind all the time. What am I supposed to do from now?
I don’t know why but these few days, I’ve been feeling blessed that I’ve got nice classmates. Something that I hadn’t really felt in the past. Of course, the fault did lie in me for that. People have been talking to me and I really feel blessed when I know that I’ve put smiles on people’s face and that includes my classmates. I really want to be a blessing to others and really hope that they would appreciate it too. I’ve been trying to crack jokes more often now to make them smile. But I still miss you.
Lost all appetite
Lost all motivation
I’m losing everything